A lifelong struggle... *disclaimer* this is a very sensitive topic for me

I have struggled with something for my whole life, as long as I can remember. My weight has always been a big struggle and stumbling block for me. I have always had issues looking in the mirror and seeing someone who was beautiful, someone who deserved to be loved, someone who had potential. Because of my self confidence issues I had a really hard time making friends for a lot of years. I honestly never felt like I fit in anywhere. 

It was not until sophomore year that I felt like I really had friends, and it was not until junior year that I really was able to find a place where I belonged but I still felt like I was out of place. I was surrounded by lots of people who I thought were prettier than me. And it was all because of the weight issue. To me beautiful was skinny, long hair, big eyes, and tan skin. I had none of these things. 

As much as I joke and laugh about my weight I am still not happy in my own skin. I don't know what made me decided to dedicate myself to becoming happy and changing but in November I decided it was time to change my life. Not only so I can finally look in the mirror and believe myself when I say I am beautiful but so I can be healthy. 

It is no longer just about me, it is about my future family. While that is definitely a long way away I have decided that now is my time to change. I refuse to be a fat bride. While this is a long way away as well I have discovered that I have refused to let myself be happy. I have denied myself so many opportunities because I was scared.

So I decided to change, I started going to the gym and eating right. I signed up to do the Biggest Loser at USU. Then on Christmas Eve I slipped and fell and seriously injured my left knee. This threw a wrench in my plans. I didn't tear anything in my knee but I injured it enough that I cannot work out, in fact, I can hardly walk. I am currently going through physical therapy and in 8 weeks the orthopedic surgeon that I have been seeing will reevaluate and if I am not showing considerable improvement surgery would be the next step. As soon as my knee problems have been resolved its back to the gym for me. It is funny, every day I can't work out I want to even more. I never imagined I would ever say I was dying to go work out. 

this is not going to be me for long. It is time to change.