I am Never Alone, It's been a Year

Yesterday it was less then a year.  Tomorrow it will be more than a year.

But today it has been ONE year.

Every time I have looked at the time today all I can do is remember exactly where I was this day last year.  I have relived every moment of 11/18/2011 in my mind today.  

I realize some of you who may be reading this might not know the significance of this date in my life. A year ago today my best friend, my comforter, my protector, my daddy passed away. 

Words cannot describe the despair I have felt, the moments of weakness I have suffered, the nights I have cried myself to sleep.  Through it all the one thing that has kept me going is the knowledge that my family is forever.  That my daddy is here with me still my best friend, still my comforter, still my protector, still my daddy.  

Despite this knowledge this year has been a tough one.  I think about all the moments in my life that I wish my daddy could be there for; my wedding, when I have kids, graduate from college, get my first house... Then I think of how many things have happened in my life in just the last year that I wish he could have been there for; moving to college, turning 18, speaking at high school graduation... Then when I am thinking about speaking at graduation I think of how I did that for him.  How he told me one of his biggest dreams was to see one of his kids speak at graduation.  Which leads me to think about all the amazing blessings that have come from this trial.  I have learned so much about myself.  I have developed an unshakable testimony of eternal families, the power of the priesthood and faith.  I have learned how to relate to people who have gone through this like I have.  I have discovered what I want to be when I grow up.  

To this day, when I spend nights at home I still think my dad just hasn't come home from work yet.  That he will pull up in the driveway.   Sometimes all I want is my daddy to hold me in his arms and hug me.  Honestly, words cant and never will describe how I feel about the loss of my dad-and there's only one person who will understand.  

My dad sent me this song in an e-mail once, I now find it one of the most comforting things he left for me.  

I miss my dad more than words can describe.  But I really do know that I am Never Alone, he is always nearby.