Sunday, December 11, 2011

For the Love of Cookies

I have curves and I am not afraid to show them off. All you girls should be very jealous of my body. Since I have perfected the formula of curvaceous women I felt obligated to share with my "less fortunate" friends.
So here are my top 10 ways to gain a womanly figure
1. Eat plenty of sweets (yes this means cookies, cakes, brownies, candy, chocolate etc....)
2. Never exercise (seriously this only leads to muscle tone... and that's a no.)
3. Allow plenty of TV time (lounging is optimal)
4. Never skip a meal (unless it is for religious purposes)
5. Sugary cereal is the bomb.com
6. Never pass up an opportunity to "lick the spoon" (whether its cake or brownie batter or even cookie dough this is a woman's delight)
7. Always ask for seconds (and if you can, while no on is looking, lick your plate then run it to the garbage/sink so no one will know)
8. Carry snacks with you where ever you go (preferably sugary sweet and/or chocolate covered)
9. After you finish your dinner allow an hour to digest, then eat a bountiful desert
10. Everything tastes better when it is smothered in either cheese, chocolate, butter, salt, or cream

Now that you have that "ideal" womanly figure you need to learn how to flaunt it... Here are my top ways to flaunt that sexy body you have
1. Swing your hips (seriously exaggerate your movements)
2. Pleated skirts and pants add extra curves to your hips and tummy
3. Accentuate your waste and flow out from there (this creates an illusion that you have an hourglass figure)
4. Love your body (this shows your ambitious nature)
5. Never try to "blend in" ALWAYS make an effort to stand out
6. Horizontal stripes give definition to your curves
7. When dancing don't be afraid to let things jiggle
8. Hands on the hips whenever you are standing
9. Wear push-up bras. EVERYDAY
10. Walk like you own the world (after all you are "large and in charge")

And if you ever really wonder if being curvaceous is the best way to go just always remember that there is more to love (:

No comments:

Post a Comment