I have moved!

I moved my blog! I am so excited about the change and the chance to do bigger and better things. So click here for my new blog! I look forward to feedback from you all!

New content available soon!

So I have not posted in a very very long time and I decided it was time for a re-haul. Thank you for all the kind words on my last few posts, I look forward to blogging about things people actually care about for a change. So here's to fresh starts. When you come back I will have a whole new look!

The Future Ms. Maegan Kasteler

Last night I was literally laying in my bed watching the minutes tick by on my roommates clock. I got to thinking. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. Here I am supposedly half way done with college and I cant picture where I want to be in 20 years let a lone 5. I am not satisfied with my major, I feel like I am wasting my time and money on an education that I am not getting anything out of, and I just do not know what I am doing with my life.
I then got to thinking about what I have done with the last 19 years of my life. I have had some wonderful opportunities but there are things I would change if I could go back. You know all those cliche songs and poems and quote about if you could write a letter to yourself or travel back in time and tell yourself what to do. I think I would take the chance to do just that. I would tell myself to not get fat, to go out and make friends instead of curling up with a book and food. I would tell myself to study harder, get better grades, and get involved early. I would make sure my dad was screened for cancer earlier. I would tell myself to practice the piano more and get better. I would tell myself to stay close to the Lord. I would tell myself to always pray morning and night, and to always read my scriptures. I would warn myself of the mistakes I have made and implore myself to not make them.
OK, so where would that leave me? I don't know but I can't help but think that I would be a better person (I honestly love who I am but these would be awesome improvements).
But I can't change the past. I can't do anything to remedy the trials I have been through. So now I focus on the future, but the problem with that is I don't know, I cannot see nor predict my future. I don't even know what I want to do.
I am so used to living my life one day at a time. It was easier that way. I started doing that when my dad got sick. Just take it a day at a time. Hold yourself together for 15-20 hours then start anew the next morning. That is how I survived. Now it has been over 3 years and I am still doing that. I am surviving, not thriving. But I am stuck. I cannot seem to find the path that was made for me. I feel like I am just floundering around.
So I have concluded that I am just a work in progress. I don't know what I am doing with my life. I am trying to lose weight, I am striving to become a better member Mormon, and I am trying to find my way.

My 2 cents on women and the priesthood

I am a single Mormon woman who a week ago Saturday had the amazing opportunity to attend a broadcast of the General Women's Meeting. This was the first time since long before I was born where all women of the church over the age of 8 were gathered together to listen to the inspired words of our church leaders. I was near tears from the very beginning because I have never felt the presence of the Holy Ghost so strongly during a broadcast. All I could think the whole time is that I hope that the precious young daughters of God who I will be given stewardship over this summer at Oakcrest were also in attendance somewhere. We truly heard divine inspiration.
Fast forward to today. This Saturday is the start of the 184th Semi-Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Recently there has been a lot of attention thrown on the Church, specifically the women of the Church. Not all this attention has been good. The New York Times recently published an article entitled "From Mormon Women, a Flood of Requests and Questions on Their Role in the Church"which you can read here or even this article, also published in The New York Times, about how the lowering of the mission age for girls is signaling a "growing role for Mormon women".
Let me explain to you why I, Maegan Kasteler, will not be attending the Ordain Women movement.
I, Maegan Kasteler, am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who has much love for me and all of his children. I know this. I know that I have divine nature that is not altered or swayed by the views and opinions of the world. I believe that women have been endowed with certain attributes that allow us to be mothers, to nurture, to bear and rear children.
Now that I have explained some of my beliefs let me better explain exactly why I am not attending the Ordain Women movement.
We live in a world that I believe is trying to make everything equal. Equal is good there should not be things like segregation and discrimination. However, "equal" does not always mean "same". 2+2 equals 4 just as much as 3+1 equals 4.
I am a strong independent woman who wishes to have  a career and to be successful. I also desire to be a mother and to raise children in the gospel. I do not have the desire to hold the priesthood. I have lived in a family that for the past 2+ years has not had a holder of the Melchizedek priesthood in the home. I have felt that hole and it has been all too real. But I still have the priesthood in my life. I have grandfathers, uncles, friends, and church leaders who are ready and willing and worthy to exercise their God given power on behalf of me. Throughout this time I have been able to be reassured in my calling as a Woman in the Gospel. I have power that I am unaware of. I have the ability to do more than my mortal mind can comprehend. I do not need to hold the priesthood to reap the benefits.
I can see where the members of the OW movement are coming from. If you look at it, it does appear that the Church oppresses women. Here is how I see it, by encouraging us to rear and bear children the Church encourages us to exercise a God given power to gestate and give birth to His children. We are asked and have the ability to be the sacred vessels to bring these choice spirits into the world. Notice I said a "God given power". I used that phrase earlier to describe the priesthood.
And that is how I see it. It is simple. We have been endowed with sacred power, both men and women, the power is different but we are equal. God sees us all as his children, we should all see in ourselves and others what God sees us and who he knows we can become.

*I hope that I have not offended anyone. This is my personal blog where I am free to express my opinions. Please if you have any negative comments refrain from posting them on my blog! Thank you!

A Ring with Meaning (NOT AN ENGAGEMENT RING)

So have two rings that I wear all the time, constantly, I almost never take them off. I did not wear them in Africa and I try to take them off when I put on lotion, but apart from that they are always on my fingers. One stays on my left hand thumb, the other, my right hand ring finger. Both are silver. Both have very special meanings to me. Both were gifts. Both have gotten pretty beat up over the years. One has been on my finger since 2008 and the other since 2010.

The one on top usually resides on my thumb of my left hand. My dad gave me this ring. He purchased it for me on a trip to Washington DC at Mount Vernon. It has stayed on my finger for so long there is indents on my thumb and the ring is no longer perfectly round. Every time I see this ring I think of my dad, and the love he had and still has for me. (cue George Strait song "Love Without End") "Daddy's don't just love their children every now and then, it's a love without end, amen."

The second was given to me at Youth Conference. It stays on my ring finger of my right hand. The concept is the same as a CTR ring (choose the right) that many LDS people wear. This one is special because all the youth in my ward got this ring, many of us still wear them today. Everyone from college students, return missionaries, current missionaries, and young married people still wear this ring. It is scratched and pretty beat up some of the black in the word choice is coming off. But every day I wear this it reminds me that I have a choice, I can choose good over evil, I can choose to be happy, I can choose to be whoever I want to be. I am also reminded of friendships gained through a loving ward. 

They will stay on my fingers for who know how many more years. They are a part of me.

Something Exciting Has Happened

Something exciting has happened.
Something so exciting I can hardly contain myself. On saturday at 12:34 I received a phone call that changed the course of my future, well at least my summer.
I am going to be an Oakcrest Counselor/Craft Specialist.
I went to Oakcrest Girls Camp twice as a youth and I love it. Ever since then it has kinda always been in the back of my mind that I could be an Oakcrest Counselor. So I applied in December. In January I had an interview where I was surrounded by 15 women who were all asking me questions. Now I am pretty good at interviews but this was different. 15 women asking me every question on every topic. From spiritual to platonic and many questions about my dear sister who was a counselor two summers ago. (You can read about her experiences here.)
After waiting for almost a whole month the day finally came. All day Saturday I was anxious and nervous. I was lucky I was able to sleep the night before. I had driven out to Nibley with Habitat for Humanity to work on some houses and sure enough right after we pulled up I got the call. Here is about how it went:
12:34 phone rings
me: (thinking) *oh it is a 435 area code, it probably isn't about Oakcrest* (435 is a Logan area code)
I answered my phone
Me: Hello?
caller: Hi is this Maegan?
Me: This is She.
caller: Hi this is Coco from Oakcrest.
Me: (thinking) *OH MY GOSH THIS IS ABOUT OAKCREST!!! DO THEY CALL PEOPLE IF THEY DON'T GET THE JOB? DOES THIS MEAN I GOT THE JOB?!?!? AHHHHHH!!!!!)
Caller: I am calling because we want to offer you the position of Craft Specialist would you be willing to accept?
Me: *trying so hard to contain myself* YES! I would love to accept!!!
Caller: ok well we will be sending you more information in the mail next week. Ah I am so excited I just love you already! We are so excited!
Me: I am too!
Caller: well we will see you soon!
*hangs up*
meanwhile, while this conversation is going on I am literally having to cover my mouth to keep my screams of excitement contained.
So, yup, I am pretty excited.

A lifelong struggle... *disclaimer* this is a very sensitive topic for me

I have struggled with something for my whole life, as long as I can remember. My weight has always been a big struggle and stumbling block for me. I have always had issues looking in the mirror and seeing someone who was beautiful, someone who deserved to be loved, someone who had potential. Because of my self confidence issues I had a really hard time making friends for a lot of years. I honestly never felt like I fit in anywhere. 

It was not until sophomore year that I felt like I really had friends, and it was not until junior year that I really was able to find a place where I belonged but I still felt like I was out of place. I was surrounded by lots of people who I thought were prettier than me. And it was all because of the weight issue. To me beautiful was skinny, long hair, big eyes, and tan skin. I had none of these things. 

As much as I joke and laugh about my weight I am still not happy in my own skin. I don't know what made me decided to dedicate myself to becoming happy and changing but in November I decided it was time to change my life. Not only so I can finally look in the mirror and believe myself when I say I am beautiful but so I can be healthy. 

It is no longer just about me, it is about my future family. While that is definitely a long way away I have decided that now is my time to change. I refuse to be a fat bride. While this is a long way away as well I have discovered that I have refused to let myself be happy. I have denied myself so many opportunities because I was scared.

So I decided to change, I started going to the gym and eating right. I signed up to do the Biggest Loser at USU. Then on Christmas Eve I slipped and fell and seriously injured my left knee. This threw a wrench in my plans. I didn't tear anything in my knee but I injured it enough that I cannot work out, in fact, I can hardly walk. I am currently going through physical therapy and in 8 weeks the orthopedic surgeon that I have been seeing will reevaluate and if I am not showing considerable improvement surgery would be the next step. As soon as my knee problems have been resolved its back to the gym for me. It is funny, every day I can't work out I want to even more. I never imagined I would ever say I was dying to go work out. 

this is not going to be me for long. It is time to change.